Yellow

I hate yellow.

It has no purpose, no reason for existing.

My personal favorite color, red, signifies many emotions: love, adventure, or even violence. Green means nature and health. Blue alludes to sadness. Black— moody. And white is innocence and peace.

Except yellow.

What does yellow mean, then?

Well, all it means is cowardly and nothing more! And, I’m never going to be a coward. So, here is a list of reasons why everything yellow should be banished from this blessed Earth (carefully worded to not include the sun).

Remember those yellow rubber duckies that are bath toys for infants? I recall when my parents used to put those in my bathtub that made the whole water look like pee. Disgusting, I know, right?

If you would like another example where yellow has been proven to be bad — drum roll, please — bees and wasps! Their only purpose in the world is to eat, sting, sleep, and sting some more. We have colorful butterflies to help us for pollination while the (mostly yellow) little monsters fly around, tormenting us humans.

Or even the yellow light in traffic signals. In my state of New Jersey, many people, clearly uncertain whether yellow means to speed up or slow down, drive right through yellow lights. Should we just call yellow as red? Or can we treat it as green? I think that it’s safer to say that yellow lights are confusing, and we should just have red and green. Also, not a day goes by that I wish my school bus wasn’t yellow.

I’ve now confirmed after many scientific experiments that all foods that are atrocious have yellow origins. Almost all of the foods I hate are yellow (trust me, I’m not a picky eater)! I hate mangos, pineapples, jackfruits, yellow watermelons, lemons, yellow apples, all yellow squashes, golden beets, yellow peppers, and most of all, the center of the egg — the yolk ( I remind you, gentle reader, that I’m not a picky eater)! It must be clear to you know that yellow makes me go bananas!

I hate all tints and shades of yellow, because they are useless or overused. I hate bright yellow because it’s just too bright. It can almost never be used as a font color or as the main color of your clothes. I hate normal yellow because it has the same problem, which is that it can't fit in anywhere. I hate dark yellow because it has the opposite problem — it’s way overused. All of the cabinets in my mom’s kitchen are dark yellow along with the walls of the foyer and the family room in different shades. I can’t stand them (sorry Mom!). These days, mustard is many people's favorite color, and I can’t fathom why. And, unfortunately for me, there is always something in my day from the jacket someone is wearing to the decorations on the classroom walls (sorry Ms. B, I know you love sunflowers).

I have now listed enough reasons for us humans to stop using the color yellow and start branching out. Friends and foe alike, let’s start using different colors. Burgundy is stately and sublime. Teal is cute and calm. And even orange is both bright and lively. There are an infinite number of colors in the world. Let’s start using red and green for their own individual purposes instead of trying to combine them together to create such a boring, hackneyed, disgusting mix.